Shopping Shenanigans
by Meohy
Summary: Mello all but robs any store with chocolate. Matt jumps at any opportunity to dance or entertain in public. As strangers at the mall pass, they can only gawk at them. Like they care, though, 'cause they're determined raze the damn place.


Mello trudged out of their bedroom and across the living room to Matt, who was sitting up-side-down on the couch, engrossed in his favorite pass time. "Hey, you'll never guess—" the chocoholic started. He did a doubletake Matt's position, took in the sight of his skinny-jeans-clad legs over the back of the couch, his striped back arched over the other edge. A blond brow arched. "Why the hell are you sitting like that?"

The redhead answered, "Game's too easy if I'm sitting right-side-up. This actually presents a challenge."

Mello shook his head. "Weird."

"Yeah," Matt shrugged. "You were saying something?"

"Right. I've got good news."

"Lemme guess, you've committed theft again and got me a new car?"

Mello rolled his eyes. "No, and I've told you before—I robbed a bank and used _that_ money to buy your car."

Matt smirked mid up-side-down game play. "Riiight."

"And what makes you think I'd go through all that trouble again?" The blonde asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"Um, because that was the best Christmas present ever?"

"Thanks, but I've got better news than that—I've got the day off and we're going shopping," Mello announced determinedly.

The game paused and Matt did a sit-up to see Mello over the back of the couch. He gazed at his leather-clad boyfriend, his jade eyes wide with horror. "No way, Mello! What makes youthink _I'd_ be willing to go to _the mall_?"

Mello's jaw was set in that way Matt knew he'd be pushy (read: forceful) until he'd get whatever he wanted. "I'll give you two hours in _EB Games_?"

"Four and I'll drive."

"Three and a half, but we're going clothes shopping first."

Matt shook his head. "Not budging."

"Throw in a pack of Marlboros and a ride on those cheap kiddie ride things you love."

"Fine." Matt agreed, cracking a smile. "And while we're out, can we—" He quickly frowned as he realized he'd been played. "Wait, when did this become a negotiation?"

Mello smirked. "You caved first."

Goggle-clad eyes widened. "You are EVIL, Mels. You know that? _EVIL_."

"We bad guys have more fun." Mello winked, heading for the kitchen to fish Matt's car keys out of the fridge (damn kid left his crap in the most random places). "Grab a coat, it's chilly outside. Five more minutes on the Xbox, I'll start up the car."

Matt shut the game off immediately. "Right behind you."

Mello was at the door by the time Matt flipped himself into the correct sitting position. Momentarily disoriented, he started after his boyfriend wobbly, shutting the door behind him and, when outside the apartment, shaking his head to clear the dizziness.

The redheaded gamer stood at the top of a flight of stairs, hands in his pockets, staring down at Mello, who was retreating down some steps, further away from Matt. Frowning, he asked, "Elevator broken?"

"Yeah." Mello flipped his hair over his shoulder. "And some exercise wouldn't kill you anyway."

"Right." Matt replied and, grinning mischievously, sprung from his position on a higher stair onto Mello's back.

The blond caught him, but not without stumbling and cursing. "Fuck, you scared the shit out of me! What the fuck were you trying to do? Kill me?" He muttered, wrapping his arms around Matt's legs to support him.

In turn, the redhead locked his arms around Mello's neck and leaned in close. With his lips close to the blonde's ear, he let out a breathy murmur. "Screw the kiddie rides at the mall when I can ride you for free."

Mello raised arched an eyebrow defiantly. "Excuse me?"

"That's right." Matt replied smugly. "I agreed to this little outing, so I'm taking the most advantage of you as possible. Now give me my damn piggyback ride!"

"Fine, but at least _I'll_ carry _you_ with no complaint." Mello huffed, taking a few confident steps forward as if Matt were no burden at all.

"Are you accusing me of complaining?" Matt sounded baffled.

"Damn straight I'm accusing you! Remember the _one time_ I asked you to give me a piggyback ride, you whined like a sissy prick the whole time?"

"Um, you seem to forget that my fragile back can't support your fat ass."

"I weigh less than you!" Mello exclaimed, obviously offended.

"Do scales take your big head or fat ass in account?"

"…What are you getting at?"

"Your confidence, Mello, and your recent chocolate consumption. Seriously, all that binging on sweets and studies…I'm convinced it isn't healthy."

"You know I'm honestly considering dropping you over the side of this staircase, right?"

* * *

"Oo, this is more fun that I thought!" Matt shouted, running in zigzags through clothes racks.

"Cut it out! This is why we get suspicious, angry, or traumatized glares when we're out in public!"

Both boys were in the _Hot Topic _men's section, trying to stock up on as many striped shirts as possible (though Matt wouldn't admit it - or really failed to notice – but he practically slept and showered in those shirts, so what he was currently wearing looked close to exposing patches of skin).

"Like you care what others think." The agoraphobic retorted, picking a skull-embossed fedora off a nearby display and placing it on Mello's head, a playful smile gracing his lips.

"I don't know what the mall's security office looks like and I don't want to," Mello said sharply.

Matt patted his shoulder. "Hey, lighten up, would you?"

Mello tried a smile—the woman standing behind Matt dragged her daughter towards the exit, throwing a horrified glare over her shoulder, directed at the blonde as they left—and failed.

Unfazed, Matt twirled his fingers, showing off some studded, fingerless gloves. "Now don't these just scream 'sexy as hell chocoholic' or what?"

Although he didn't smile (for fear of scaring more customers away), Mello's cerulean eyes were shining. "I prefer leather to studs, Matty."

"But aren't I a stud?" The gamer danced around him as Tokio Hotel's _Schrei _blared from nearby speakers.

"No."

Matt frowned. "No?"

"You're _my _stud." Mello winked and put the fedora back. "I'm going to go pay. Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone."

"Sure, sure. I'll check out the assortment of green hair dye and rock to this sick German tune while you're gone."

And as Mello watched from the counter, though the place was dark, he could see Matt drenched in red strobe lights, playing air guitar and singing along to Tokio Hotel.

"_Schrei so laut du kannst!_"

* * *

Mello's responsible (therefore, dull and controlling) mood lasted until he spotted a candy store boasting delicious, inexpensive chocolate. Despite protests, he dragged Matt inside by the collar of his sleeveless hoodie.

"But, Mello, if you eat of ton of chocolate, I'll start the fat ass jokes again!" He whined.

The chocoholic retorted, "There is no such thing as too much chocolate."

"If you get drunk off chocolate milk there is!"

"That won't be a problem—you're driving."

So one triple-chocolate sundae with extra hot fudge, plus a chocolate-chip brownie on the side and a towering rocky road milkshake, and Mello acted all but sane. He was seriously HIGH. But this undoubtedly made him more fun.

For the next hour Matt and Mello preformed unspeakably crazy and wild shenanigans with the initial suggestion of, "Wanna redress the manikins when no one's looking?"

"OH HELLZ YAH!"

* * *

When Mello leaned off the sugar high—basically as he regained control of about a quarter of his brain cells—he and Matt ducked in a regular department store to continue their clothes shopping.

Matt disappeared ten minutes after Mello hit the racks in search of jeans. Flicking metal hanger after metal hanger down the bracket, listening to the steady scuffling sound—the blonde wished his sugar high lasted longer.

But it wasn't long before Matt bounded up beside him, tugging at his leather jacket sleeve. "Mello, Mello! Guess what? I found these T-shirts that have the most fuckin' hilarious things written on them, you gotta come see!"

"_Silence is golden, duck tape is silver?"_

"Yeah, that and more!"

Rolling his eyes amusedly, Mello allowed himself to be dragged away by his boyfriend.

"Look! This one suits you so well – _C.S.I.: Can't. Stand. Idiots_."

Mello chuckled, and held up another. Reading a loud, he snorted. "_Save the Trees, Eat a Beaver_.''

"_I do know everything. I just don't remember it all at once_." Holding the shirt up, Matt nodded approvingly. "A quote fit for Wammy's."

"_Sometimes I aim to please, but mostly I just shoot to kill_." Both boys cackled insanely at that shirt.

"_Its only funny when someone falls…then its hilarious_."

"_I'm up and dressed. What more do you want from me?"_

"Heh. Nice."

"I knew you'd enjoy 'em. What'd'ya got there?" Matt pointed at the pile of clothes in Mello's arms.

"Stuff for you to try on."

"Here?"

"Mmhmm."

"Ugh, I hate dressing rooms! Why can't be get these and I'll try them on at home?"

"Nope. Right here, right now." Mello smiled tauntingly.

"But the one's for guys are moldy and decrepit and there's poor lighting and—"

"Matt, I'm not asking you. I'm telling you."

The redhead pouted.

"Keep whining and I'll walk in with you and, holding your hand, and take you through every step like an incoherent child."

Matt perked up. "How much whining will that take?"

"_Go!_"

* * *

As they stood in the line to pay, something dawned on the gamer, "Hey! We've been here nearly the whole day and all we've done is shop for clothes."

"Yes…your point is?" Mello responded, unperturbed.

"When did you plan on holding up your side of our deal?"

"Damn!" Mello didn't even try to hide his disappointment. "I was counting on you forgetting…"

"Oh," Matt smirked ruefully. "That's kind."

"Okay, here's fifty cents, go find a rocking horse ride or something and I'll wait in line."

"Hooray!"

And to all the other people standing around them, Matt looked like a mental patient, dressed up in punk clothes, childishly giggling and smiling as he ran away.

* * *

A little while later, Mello found him stuffed into the driver's seat of an ice cream truck that was simulating a bumpy ride. The sight was funny as hell—Matt barely fit into to the kiddie ride, his long legs sticking out the window and his back curved so he wouldn't hit his head on the roof.

Lots of people were staring as the redhead laughed in a carefree manor, the ride still going on. Every parent that walked in a five-foot vicinity of him covered their child's eyes and reminded them to never talk to strangers.

When he saw Mello approaching, and seeing as the chocoholic tried unsuccessfully to suppress a grin, Matt called out, "Yo! Check out my pimpin' ride!"

"Oh, I can only imagine what you'd do if you had possession of an ice cream truck."

"Yeah, I wouldn't sell the ice cream, I'd eat it!"

Mello's eyebrows shot up. "You'd share, wouldn't you?"

"Of course!" And when the ride ended, he said, "Hey, Mello…"

"Yeah?"

"I might need help getting out of this thing—and soon, there's this one woman who keeps giving a death glare."

"Afraid she'll put you on a sex offenders list?" Mello snickered.

"How many times have you seen a nineteen year old riding one of these things?" Matt spun the steering wheel childishly for extra emphasis.

"You're the first," Mello agreed. "Here, take my hand and I'll pull."

The sight of Mello trying to dislodge Matt from the fifty cent ice cream truck ride won more suspicious stares from the people around them. When he popped out, both boys stumbled a little and laughed. But they had to quickly escape before the Death Glare Woman could approach them.

"That was fun!" Matt said as they began walking towards the escalator that'd take them to _EB Games_.

"Glad you enjoyed yourself. Hey—as promised, got you something." Mello pulled out a pack of cigarettes and presented them to Matt.

"_Virginia Slims_? Only girls smoke these! I'm not a _girl_, asshole!"

"I know, but the woman behind the counter thought _I_ was…"

"Why didn't you set her straight?"

The chocoholic looked very serious. "I have a rule against beating the shit out of old ladies, Matty. You know that." He patted his smoker's arm. "Enjoy your lady-smokes."

Matt slouched dejectedly and muttered, "I feel like I've been tricked…"

* * *

Walking into the videogame store, Matt finally felt a sense of calm that he associated with home, which he hadn't felt all day. He looked around with an awed expression, sighing as he'd reached his haven.

"Hey, they've got a Wii! Matty, I challenge you to a fight in _Super Smash Bros. Brawl_!"

"You're on! I am so totally going to kick your ass!"

* * *

After the negotiated three and a half hours were spent in _EB Games_, Mello dragged his videogame addict out of the store so he could carry all their purchases to the car.

So as they traversed through the parking lot, Mello, empty-handed, asked Matt, who stumbled under the weight of his heavy load of bags, "You enjoyed today, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not enjoying now. Couldn't you take a bag or two?"

"The Camaro's right there. Hold out for a few more yards."

"You know I'm going to get you back for leaving me in the dressing room, right?"

Mello popped the truck open. "I can't wait."

* * *

With their apartment building in sight, Matt pulled the Camaro into a parking space got out of the car.

Mello hunched over in front of Matt and jokingly said, "Ready for another ride?"

"Seriously?"

The blonde shrugged. "Why not?"

"YES!"

Matt leaped onto Mello's back and, lightly kicking his thigh, exclaimed, "Giddy-up horsey!"

Soon they were at the top of the final staircase, where Mello dropped Matt and stretched. "Ugh, we shouldn't make that a habit."

"It'll be your turn next time, don't worry."

"So you'll carry me and you _won't_ complain?"

"I promise you now." Matt turned the key in the lock, and swinging the door open, rushed inside their apartment, sighing contently. He flung himself on the couch like he'd be separated from it for ages. "Oh couch, I've missed you…" He crooned, rubbing a cushion against his face.

Mello's eyes took one sweep around the place. "Good to be home." Then he started out the door. "I'll start unloading the car…"

He thought Matt would follow, but, little did he know, he had left his boyfriend still reminiscing lost time with inanimate household objects. "I've can't believe I'm finally home—I've missed this lamp! And this coaster! And this squeaky floor board—oh, how I've missed you, squeaky floor board!"


End file.
